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Russian political jokes are a role of Russian humour and tin be grouped into the major time periods: Purple Russia, Soviet Spousal relationship and finally post-Soviet Russia. In the Soviet flow political jokes were a grade of social protest, mocking and criticising leaders, the system and its ideology, myths and rites.[ane] Quite a few political themes can be found among other standard categories of Russian joke, most notably Rabinovich jokes and Radio Yerevan.[ citation needed ]

Imperial Russian federation [edit]

In Imperial Russia, nigh political jokes were of the polite diverseness that circulated in educated society. Few of the political jokes of the fourth dimension are recorded, but some were printed in a 1904 High german anthology.[2]

  • A man was reported to accept said: "Nikolay is a moron!" and was arrested past a policeman. "No, sir, I meant not our respected Emperor, but another Nikolay!" - "Don't endeavour to trick me: if y'all say "moron", you are obviously referring to our tsar!"
  • A respected merchant, Sevenassov (Semizhopov in the original Russian), wants to alter his surname, and asks the Tsar for permission. The Tsar gives his determination in writing: "Permitted to subtract two asses".

There were too numerous politically themed Chastushki (Russian traditional songs) in Imperial Russian federation.

In Pale Burn by Vladimir Nabokov, the fictional writer of the "Foreword", Charles Kinbote, cites the following Russian joke:

  • A paper business relationship of a Russian tsar's coronation had, instead of "korona" (crown), the misprint "vorona" (crow), and when next day this was apologetically 'corrected,' it got misprinted a 2d time as "korova" (cow).

He comments on the uncanny linguistic parallelism between the English-linguistic communication "crown-crow-moo-cow" and the Russian "korona–vorona–korova".[three]

Soviet Wedlock [edit]

In the Soviet Union, telling political jokes could exist regarded every bit a type of extreme sport: according to Article 58 (RSFSR Penal Code), "anti-Soviet propaganda" was a potentially capital law-breaking.

  • A judge walks out of his chambers laughing his caput off. A colleague approaches him and asks why he is laughing. "I just heard the funniest joke in the earth!" "Well, go alee, tell me!" says the other judge. "I can't – I merely gave someone x years for it!"
  • "Who congenital the White Sea Canal?" – "The left bank was built past those who told the jokes, and the right depository financial institution by those who listened."[four]

Ben Lewis claims that the political conditions in the Soviet Matrimony were responsible for the unique sense of humor produced there;[5] [4] according to him, "Communism was a humour-producing machine. Its economic theories and organisation of repression created inherently agreeable situations. There were jokes under fascism and the Nazis too, just those systems did not create an absurd, laugh-a-minute reality like communism."

Early Soviet times [edit]

Jokes from these times have a certain historical value, depicting the character of the epoch almost likewise as long novels might.

  • Midnight Saint petersburg... A Carmine Guards night sentinel spots a shadow trying to sneak by. "Stop! Who goes there? Documents!" The frightened person chaotically rummages through his pockets and drops a paper. The Guards chief picks information technology up and reads slowly, with difficulty: "U.ri.ne A.na.ly.sis"... "Hmm...a foreigner, sounds like..." "A spy, looks like.... Let'south shoot him on the spot!" Then he reads further: "'Proteins: none, Sugars: none, Fats: none...' You are gratis to go, proletarian comrade! Long live the Globe revolution!"[6]

Communism [edit]

According to Marxist–Leninist theory, communism in the strict sense is the terminal stage of evolution of a guild afterwards it has passed through the socialism stage. The Soviet Spousal relationship thus cast itself as a socialist land trying to build communism, which was supposed to be a classless social club.

  • The principle of the state capitalism of the period of transition to communism: the authorities pretend they are paying wages, workers pretend they are working. Alternatively, "So long as the bosses pretend to pay us, we volition pretend to work." This joke persisted essentially unchanged through the 1980s.

Satirical verses and parodies fabricated fun of official Soviet propaganda slogans.

  • "Lenin has died, just his cause lives on!" (An actual slogan.)
Punchline variant #1: Rabinovich notes: "I would prefer it the other mode round."
Variant #2: "What a coincidence: Brezhnev has died, but his body lives on". (An allusion to Brezhnev's mental feebleness coupled with the medically assisted staving off of his death. Additional comedic effect in the 2nd variant is produced by the fact that the words 'cause' (delo) and 'body' (telo) rhyme in Russian.)
  • Lenin coined a slogan about how communism would exist achieved thanks to the political ability of the Soviets and the modernization of the Russian industry and agriculture: "Communism is Soviet ability plus electrification of the whole country!" The slogan was subjected to mathematical scrutiny by the people: "Consequently, Soviet power is communism minus electrification, and electrification is communism minus Soviet power."
  • A chastushka ridiculing the tendency to praise the Party left and right:
The winter'south passed,
The summer's hither.
For this nosotros thank
Our party dear!

Russian:

Прошла зима,
настало лето.
Спасибо партии
за это!

(Proshla zima, nastalo leto / Spasibo partii za eto!)

  • One old bolshevik says to another: "No, my friend, nosotros will not live long enough to see communism, but our children...our poor children!" (An allusion to the slogan "Our children will alive in Communism!")

Some jokes allude to notions long forgotten. These relics are even so funny, merely may look strange.

  • Q: Will at that place be KGB in communism?
A: As y'all know, under communism, the land will exist abolished, together with its means of suppression. People will know how to arrest themselves.
The original version was about the Cheka. To fully appreciate this joke, a person must know that during the Cheka times, in add-on to the standard revenue enhancement to which the peasants were subjected, the latter were oft forced to perform samooblozhenie ("self-revenue enhancement") – after delivering a normal amount of agricultural products, prosperous peasants, especially those alleged to be kulaks were expected to "voluntarily" deliver the aforementioned amount again; sometimes even "double samooblozhenie" was practical.
  • Commonage farm
Q: How do y'all deal with mice in the Kremlin?
A: Put up a sign maxim "collective farm". Then half the mice will starve, and the residual volition run abroad.[7]

This joke is an allusion to the consequences of the collectivization policy pursued by Joseph Stalin between 1928 and 1933.

Gulag [edit]

  • "3 gulag inmates are telling each other what they're in for. The first one says: 'I was five minutes tardily for work, and they charged me with demolition.' The 2d says: 'For me it was just the contrary: I was five minutes early for work, and they charged me with espionage.' The third 1 says: 'I got to piece of work right on time, and they charged me with harming the Soviet economic system by acquiring a watch in a capitalist land.'"[eight]
  • 3 men are sitting in a jail cell in the (KGB headquarters) Dzerzhinsky Foursquare. The first asks the 2d why he has been imprisoned, who replies, "Because I criticized Karl Radek." The starting time man responds, "But I am here because I spoke out in favor of Radek!" They turn to the 3rd man who has been sitting quietly in the dorsum, and inquire him why he is in jail. He answers, "I'm Karl Radek."
  • "Lubyanka (KGB headquarters) is the tallest building in Moscow. Y'all can see Siberia from its basement."
  • Armenian Radio was asked: "Is information technology true that conditions in our labor camps are splendid?" Armenian Radio answers: "It is truthful. V years ago a listener of ours raised the same question and was sent to 1, reportedly to investigate the outcome. He hasn't returned however; we are told that he liked it there."
  • "Comrade Brezhnev, is it true that you lot collect political jokes?" – "Yeah" – "And how many have you collected and then far?" – "Three and a half labor camps." (Compare with a similar Eastward German joke about Stasi.)
  • A new arrival to Gulag is asked: "What were you given ten years for?" – "For zilch!" – "Don't lie to us here, now! Everybody knows 'for nothing' is three years." (This joke was reported from the pre-Great Purge times. After 'for nix' was elevated to five and even ten years.)[9]

Gulag Archipelago [edit]

Alexander Solzhenitsyn's book Gulag Archipelago has a chapter entitled "Zeks equally a Nation", which is a mock ethnographic essay intended to "prove" that the inhabitants of the Gulag Archipelago constitute a separate nation co-ordinate to "the only scientific definition of nation given past comrade Stalin". Equally office of this inquiry, Solzhenitsyn analyzes the humor of zeks (gulag inmates). Some examples:[ten]

  • "He was sentenced to three years, served five, and then he got lucky and was released ahead of time." (The joke alludes to the common practice described by Solzhenitsyn of arbitrarily extending the term of a judgement or adding new charges.) In a similar vein, when someone asked for more of something, east.g. more than boiled water in a cup, the typical antiphon was, "The prosecutor will give y'all more!" (In Russian: "Прокурор добавит!")
  • "Is it hard to be in the gulag?" – "Merely for the showtime ten years."
  • When the quarter-century term had become the standard sentence for contravening Article 58, the standard joke comment to the freshly sentenced was: "OK, now 25 years of life are guaranteed for you!"

Armenian Radio [edit]

The Armenian Radio or "Radio Yerevan" jokes take the format, "enquire us whatever you desire, we will respond you whatever we want". They supply snappy or ambiguous answers to questions on politics, commodities, the economic system or other subjects that were taboo during the Communist era. Questions and answers from this fictitious radio station are known even outside Russia.

  • Q: What's the difference betwixt a capitalist fairy tale and a Marxist fairy tale?
A: A capitalist fairy tale begins, "Once upon a time, there was...." A Marxist fairy tale begins, "Some day, there will be...."
  • Q: Is it true that there is freedom of speech in the USSR, just like in the USA?
A: Aye. In the USA, you tin stand in front end of the White House in Washington, DC, and yell, "Downwardly with Ronald Reagan," and you will not be punished. Equally, you tin can as well stand in Red Square in Moscow and yell, "Down with Ronald Reagan," and you volition not be punished.
  • Q: What is the difference between the Constitutions of the United states of america and USSR? Both of them guarantee freedom of speech.
A: Yes, but the Constitution of the USA likewise guarantees freedom afterwards the speech communication.[11]
  • Q: Is it true that the Soviet Spousal relationship is the most progressive state in the world?
A: Of class! Life was already better yesterday than it's going to be tomorrow!

Political figures [edit]

  • Vladimir Lenin, Joseph Stalin, Nikita Khrushchev and Leonid Brezhnev are all travelling together in a railway carriage. Unexpectedly, the railroad train stops. Lenin suggests: "Perhaps we should announce a subbotnik, so that workers and peasants will set the problem." Stalin puts his head out of the window and shouts, "If the train does non start moving, the driver will be shot!" (an allusion to the Great Purge). But the train doesn't start moving. Khrushchev and then shouts, "Allow's take the rail from behind the railroad train and use them to lay the tracks in forepart" (an innuendo to Khrushchev'south various reorganizations). Only withal the railroad train doesn't move. Then Brezhnev says, "Comrades, Comrades, let'south describe the defunction, plough on the gramophone and pretend we're moving!" (an allusion to the Brezhnev stagnation catamenia). A later continuation to this has Mikhail Gorbachev saying, "We were going the wrong way anyways!" and changing the train's direction (alluding to his policies of glasnost and perestroika), and Boris Yeltsin driving the railroad train off the rails and through a field (allusion to the breakup of the Soviet Matrimony).

Lenin [edit]

Jokes about Vladimir Lenin, the leader of the Russian Revolution of 1917, typically made fun of characteristics popularized past propaganda: his supposed kindness, his dear of children (Lenin never had children of his ain), his sharing nature, his kind optics, etc. Accordingly, in jokes Lenin is often depicted as sneaky and hypocritical. A popular joke set-upwards is Lenin interacting with the head of the secret constabulary, Felix Edmundovich Dzerzhinsky, in the Smolny Institute, the seat of the revolutionary communist government in Petrograd, or with khodoki, peasants who came to come across Lenin.

  • During the famine of the civil war, a delegation of starving peasants comes to the Smolny, wanting to file a petition. "We take fifty-fifty started eating grass like horses," says 1 peasant. "Soon we will start neighing like horses!" "Come now! Don't worry!" says Lenin reassuringly. "We are drinking tea with love hither, and we're not buzzing like bees, are we?"
  • (Concerning the omnipresent Lenin propaganda): A kindergarten grouping is on a walk in a park, and they see a baby hare. These are metropolis kids who have never seen a hare. "Practice you know who this is?" asks the teacher. No one knows. "Come up on, kids", says the teacher, "He's a grapheme in many of the stories, songs and poems we are ever reading." Finally 1 kid works out the answer, pats the hare and says reverently, "And so that'south what you lot're similar, Granddad Lenin!"
  • I twenty-four hour period Lenin is shaving outside his dacha with an old-fashioned razor when a small child approaches him. "Granddad Lenin," the child begins eagerly. "Buzz off!" replies the father of the Russian revolution. What a kind homo: after all, he could have cutting the kid's throat.
  • An artist is deputed to create a painting celebrating Soviet–Polish friendship, to be called "Lenin in Poland." When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, in that location is a gasp from the invited guests; the painting depicts Nadezhda Krupskaya (Lenin'south wife) naked in bed with Leon Trotsky. One guest asks, "But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?" To which the painter replies, "Lenin is in Poland" (the joke capitalizes on the title of the real film, Lenin in Poland).

Stalin [edit]

Jokes about Stalin usually refer to his paranoia and contempt for human life. Stalin's words are typically pronounced with a heavy Georgian accent.

  • Stalin attends the premiere of a Soviet comedy picture show. He laughs and grins throughout the film, but afterward it ends he says, "Well, I liked the one-act. But that clown had a moustache but like mine. Shoot him." Anybody is speechless, until someone sheepishly suggests, "Comrade Stalin, maybe the role player shaves off his moustache?" Stalin replies, "Good idea! First shave, then shoot!" / "Or he can shave."
  • Stalin reads his written report to the Political party Congress. Of a sudden someone sneezes. "Who sneezed?" Silence. "Commencement row! On your feet! Shoot them!" They are shot, and he asks once more, "Who sneezed, Comrades?" No answer. "Second row! On your feet! Shoot them!" They are shot too. "Well, who sneezed?" At last a sobbing cry resounds in the Congress Hall, "It was me! Me!" Stalin says, "Bless you, Comrade!" and resumes his oral communication.[12]
  • A secretary (in some versions Alexander Poskrebyshev) is continuing exterior the Kremlin every bit Marshal Zhukov leaves a meeting with Stalin, and she hears him muttering under his breath, "Murderous moustache!" She runs in to run into Stalin and breathlessly reports, "I simply heard Zhukov say 'Murderous moustache'!" Stalin dismisses the secretary and sends for Zhukov, who comes back in. "Who did y'all have in listen with 'Murderous moustache'?" asks Stalin. "Why, Josef Vissarionovich, Hitler, of class!" Stalin thanks him, dismisses him, and calls the secretary back. "And who did you think he was talking about?"
  • An old crone had to wait for two hours to get on a autobus. Double-decker later bus arrived filled with passengers, and she was unable to clasp herself in as well. When she finally did manage to clamber aboard 1 of them, she wiped her brow and exclaimed, "Finally, glory to God!" The driver said, "Female parent, you must not say that. You must say 'Celebrity to comrade Stalin!'" "Alibi me, comrade," the woman replied. "I'm only a backward old woman. From now on I'll say what y'all told me to." After a while, she continued: "Excuse me, comrade, I am old and stupid. What shall I say if, God prevent, Stalin dies?" "Well, and so you may say, 'Glory to God!'"[xi]
  • At a May Day parade, a very old Jew carries a placard that reads, "Thank you, comrade Stalin, for my happy childhood!" A Party representative approaches the old man. "What's that? Are you mocking our Party? Anybody can run across that when you were a child, comrade Stalin hadn't yet been born!" The old man replies, "That's precisely why I'm grateful to him!"[11]
  • Stalin loses his favourite pipe. In a few days, Lavrenti calls Stalin: "Accept you found your pipe?" "Yes," replies Stalin. "I found it under the sofa." "This is impossible!" exclaims Beria. "Three people take already confessed to this offense!"[13]
  • Roosevelt and Stalin are at the meeting. Roosevelt says, "One cute thing about America is that nosotros accept freedom of spoken communication. That ways that anybody can stand in front of the White House and say, 'Roosevelt is a piece of shit' and nobody would pay any attending." Stalin says, "We have freedom of spoken communication in the Soviet Spousal relationship, too. Anybody tin stand in front end of the Kremlin and say, 'Roosevelt is a slice of shit' and no i would bat an eye."

Khrushchev [edit]

"Khrushchev demands: overthrow Adenauer; now more e'er CDU"

Jokes about Nikita Khrushchev oftentimes relate to his attempts to reform the economic system, especially to innovate maize. He was fifty-fifty called kukuruznik ('maizeman'). Other jokes target the crop failures resulting from his mismanagement of agriculture, his innovations in urban architecture, his confrontation with the The states while importing US consumer goods, his promises to build communism in 20 years, or but his baldness and rough manners. Unlike other Soviet leaders, in jokes Khrushchev is always harmless.

  • Khrushchev visited a hog farm and was photographed there. In the paper office, a discussion is underway about how to explanation the picture. "Comrade Khrushchev among pigs," "Comrade Khrushchev and pigs," and "Pigs environment comrade Khrushchev" are all rejected as politically offensive. Finally, the editor announces his decision: "3rd from left – comrade Khrushchev."[11]
  • Why was Khrushchev defeated? Because of the 7 "C"s: Cult of personality, Communism, China, Cuban Crisis, Corn, and Cuzka'due south mother. (In Russian, this is the seven "Chiliad"s. To "show somebody Kuzka's mother" is a Russian idiom meaning "to give somebody a hard time." Khrushchev had used this phrase during a speech at the United Nations General Assembly, allegedly referring to the Tsar Bomba test over Novaya Zemlya.)
  • Khrushchev, surrounded past his aides and bodyguards, surveys an fine art exhibition. "What the hell is this light-green circle with yellow spots all over?" he asked. His aide answered, "This painting, comrade Khrushchev, depicts our heroic peasants fighting for the fulfillment of the plan to produce two hundred 1000000 tons of grain." "Ah-h… And what is this black triangle with red strips?" "This painting shows our heroic industrial workers in a manufacturing plant." "And what is this fat donkey with ears?" "Comrade Khrushchev, this is non a painting, this is a mirror." (The joke alludes at the Manege Affair, Khrushchev'due south thunderous denouncing of modern art at an exhibition at the Moscow Manege.)

Brezhnev [edit]

Leonid Brezhnev was depicted as dim-witted, senile, always reading his speeches from paper, and prone to delusions of grandeur.

  • "Leonid Ilyich is in surgery." / "His heart over again?" / "No, chest expansion surgery, to make room for one more Gold Star medal." This makes reference to Brezhnev's elaborate collection of awards and medals.
  • Early in the morning Brezhnev looked at the sky and smiled to the sunday. Of a sudden the Lord's day said, "Good morning time, beloved Leonid Ilyich." Amazed and happy, Brezhnev told the Politburo members that even the lord's day knew him and greeted him personally. The Politburo men were skeptical but kept their doubts for themselves. Toward the evening, Brezhnev said to them, "I see y'all don't trust my word. Let'southward go outside and I will show you!" They walked out and Brezhnev said to the sun which was already low, "My honey Sun, adept evening." The Sun answered, "Become to hell, you onetime idiot." "What's that?" Brezhnev shouted angrily. "Exercise you know who you are talking with?" "I don't requite a damn," the Sunday said. "I'1000 already in the Due west, I practice what I want!"
  • During Brezhnev's visit to England, Prime Government minister Thatcher asked the guest, "What is your attitude to Churchill?" "Who is Churchill?" Brezhnev said. Back in the embassy, the Soviet envoy said, "Congratulations, comrade Brezhnev, yous've put Thatcher in her place. She will not ask stupid questions whatever more than." "And who is Thatcher?" Brezhnev said.
  • An aide says to Brezhnev, "Comrade Full general Secretary, y'all wear today one shoe black and the other brown." "Yes," Brezhnev answers, "I've noticed it myself." "Why didn't you lot change?" "See, I went to change, but when I looked in the cupboard, in that location was as well one shoe brown and the other black." This refers to Brezhnev'southward senility.
  • At the 1980 Olympics, Brezhnev begins his voice communication. "O!"—adulation. "O!"—an ovation. "O!!!"—the whole audience stands upwards and applauds. An adjutant comes running to the podium and whispers, "Leonid Ilyich, those are the Olympic logo rings, you lot don't need to read all of them!"
  • Meeting a foreign leader at the aerodrome, Brezhnev begins to read his prepared spoken communication: "Love and much-respected Mrs Gandhi..." ..." An aide comes running to the podium and whispers, "Leonid Ilyich, information technology's Margaret Thatcher." Brezhnev adjusts his spectacles and starts again: "Dear and much-respected Mrs Gandhi..." The aide interrupts him again, maxim, "Leonid Ilyich, it'southward Margaret Thatcher! Look!" "I know it'due south Margaret Thatcher," Brezhnev replies, "but this voice communication says it'southward Indira Gandhi!"
  • After a speech, Brezhnev confronts his speechwriter. "I asked for a xv-minute speech, but the one you gave me lasted 45 minutes!" The speechwriter replies: "I gave y'all three copies...."
  • Somebody knocks at the door of Brezhnev'south part. Brezhnev walks to the door, sets spectacles on his nose, fetches a piece of paper from his pocket and reads, "Who'south there?"
  • "Leonid Ilyich!..." / "Come on, no formalities amongst comrades. Simply call me 'Ilyich'." (Note: In Soviet parlance, by itself "Ilyich" refers by default to Vladimir Lenin, and "Just phone call me 'Ilyich'" was a line from a well-known poem nearly Lenin, written by Mayakovsky.)
  • Brezhnev makes a speech: "Everyone in the Politburo has dementia. Comrade Pelshe doesn't recognize himself: I say 'Hello, comrade Pelshe,' and he responds 'Hello, Leonid Ilyich, but I'g not Pelshe.' Comrade Gromyko is like a child – he's taken my rubber donkey from my desk-bound. And during comrade Grechko's funeral – by the fashion, why is he absent? – nobody but me invited a lady for a dance when the music started playing."
  • Brezhnev is dying; a doctor and some politburo are present in the room. With his last breath, Brezhnev demands "Get me a priest!" and expires. Only the dr. hears this conspicuously. A politburo member asks the doctor what Brezhnev said. The doctor replies "Invade Afghanistan."

Quite a few jokes capitalized on the cliché used in Soviet speeches of the time: "Dear Leonid Ilyich."

  • The phone rings, Brezhnev picks up the receiver: "Hello, this is dearest Leonid Ilyich...."

Geriatric leadership [edit]

During Brezhnev's fourth dimension, the leadership of Communist Party became increasingly geriatric. By the time of his decease in 1982, the median age of the Politburo was 70. Brezhnev's successor, Yuri Andropov, died in 1984. His successor, Konstantin Chernenko, died in 1985. Rabinovich said he did not have to purchase tickets to the funerals, as he had a subscription to these events. Equally Andropov'south bad wellness became common knowledge (he was eventually attached to a dialysis machine), several jokes made the rounds:

  • "Comrade Andropov is the most turned-on homo in Moscow!"
  • "Why did Brezhnev go abroad, while Andropov did non? Considering Brezhnev ran on batteries, but Andropov needed an outlet." (A reference to Brezhnev's pacemaker and Andropov'southward dialysis machine.)
  • "What is the main difference between succession under the tsarist authorities and under socialism?" "Under the tsarist regime, power was transferred from begetter to son, and under socialism – from grandfather to grandfather." (A play on words: in Russian, 'grandfather' is traditionally used in the sense of 'old man'.)
  • TASS announcement: "Today, due to bad health and without regaining consciousness, Konstantin Ustinovich Chernenko took up the duties of Secretary General." (The showtime element in the sentence is the customary course of words at the beginning of land leaders' obituaries.)
  • Another TASS declaration: "Dear comrades, of course you're going to laugh, merely the Communist Party of the Soviet Matrimony, and the entire Soviet nation, has again suffered a corking loss." The phrase "of course you lot're going to express joy" (вы, конечно, будете смеяться) is a staple of the Odessa sense of humor and style of speech communication, and the joke itself is a remake of a hundred-year-sometime one.[14]
  • What are the new requirements for joining the Politburo? Yous must now exist able to walk six steps without the assistance of a cane, and say three words without the assistance of newspaper.

Gorbachev [edit]

Mikhail Gorbachev was occasionally mocked for his poor grammar, only perestroika-era jokes unremarkably fabricated fun of his slogans and ineffective deportment, his birth mark ("Satan's mark"), Raisa Gorbachev's poking her nose everywhere, and Soviet-American relations.

  • In a eating house:
― Why are the meatballs cube-shaped?
― Perestroika! (restructuring)
― Why are they undercooked?
― Uskoreniye! (dispatch)
― Why have they got a bite out of them?
― Gospriyomka! (state approval)
― Why are you telling me all this so brazenly?
― Glasnost! (openness)
  • A Soviet man is waiting in line to buy vodka from a liquor shop, but due to restrictions imposed by Gorbachev, the line is very long. The man loses his composure and screams, "I can't take this waiting in line anymore, I HATE Gorbachev, I am going to the Kremlin right now, and I am going to kill him!" After xl minutes the human being returns and elbows his way back to his place in line. The crowd begin to ask if he has succeeded in killing Gorbachev. "No, I got to the Kremlin all correct, simply the line to kill Gorbachev was fifty-fifty longer than here!"
  • Baba Yaga and Koschei the Immortal are sitting by the window in the cabin on craven legs and see Zmey Gorynych flying low, cawing "Perestroika! Uskoreniye!" Baba Yaga: "This sometime stupid worm! Told him non to eat communists already!"
  • Mikhail Gorbachev and his married woman were on the railroad train returning to Russia following a land visit to East Germany. Subsequently they'd been travelling a short while, his wife asked him: "Where are we now, Mikhail love?" He put his hand out of the window and said: "We're still in Germany, dear." Several hours later, his married woman asked him over again: "Where are nosotros at present?" He put his mitt out of the window and replied: "In Poland." Some time afterwards, his married woman asked over again: "Where are nosotros now?" Gorbachev put his hand out of the window and said: "Nosotros're back in Russia." His wife was curious; she asked: "How do you lot know where nosotros are just past putting your hand out of the window?" He replied: "When I put my paw out in Germany, the people kissed it. When I put my hand out in Poland, they spat on information technology. And when I put my mitt out in Russia, they stole my sentry."
  • An one-time woman wanted to speak with Gorbachev. She wouldn't go out the Kremlin for days until finally Gorbachev agreed to see her. As she walked into his office, they exchanged greeting, and she got to her betoken: "Sir, was communism created by politicians or scientists?" "Why, politicians of class" he replied. "That explains it," she said. "Scientists would have tested it on mice commencement."

Washington region commission [edit]

  • Ronald Reagan awakens, all cold. His wife asks:
- Ronnie, what happened?
- My honey, I've had a nightmare. It's twenty-6th CPSU congress and Brezhnev says: 'Dear comrades, we have listened to reports about situation in Bryansk and Orlov regions. Now, permit's listen to the Commencement Secretary of Washington CPSU commission, comrade Reagan.' And you lot know what? I accept not prepared![15]

"The Soviet Union is the homeland of elephants" [edit]

In its announcement of national glories, the Soviet government claimed at various times, such as through Pravda publications, to have invented the airplane, steam engine, radio, and lightbulb, and promoted the pseudoscientific agricultural claims of Lysenko as office of Stalinist pseudohistory.[16] [17] This was joked nearly in the phrase "Homeland of Elephants [ru]" from the early 1940s, sardonically claiming that the Soviet Union was too the birthplace of elephants.[17] [18] An anecdote from Andrei Sakharov includes "(1) classics of Marxism-Leninism-Stalinism on elephants; (2) Russia, the elephants' homeland, (3) the Soviet elephant, the world's best elephant (four) the Belorussian elephant, the Russian elephant's fiddling blood brother."[eighteen]

The joke has persisted in the form of "Russia is the homeland of elephants" (Russian: Россия – родина слонов .)[xvi]

KGB [edit]

Telling jokes about the KGB was considered to be like pulling the tail of a tiger.

  • A hotel. A room for four with 4 strangers. Three of them shortly open a bottle of vodka and proceed to get acquainted, and so boozer, then noisy, singing, and telling political jokes. The 4th human being desperately tries to get some sleep; finally, in frustration he surreptitiously leaves the room, goes downstairs, and asks the lady concierge to bring tea to Room 67 in ten minutes. Then he returns and joins the party. Five minutes after, he bends to a power outlet: "Comrade Major, some tea to Room 67, please." In a few minutes, there's a knock at the door, and in comes the lady concierge with a tea tray. The room falls silent; the party dies a sudden death, and the prankster finally gets to sleep. The adjacent morning he wakes up lonely in the room. Surprised, he runs downstairs and asks the concierge what happened to his companions. "You don't need to know!" she answers. "B-just...but what about me?" asks the terrified fellow. 'Oh, you lot...well...Comrade Major liked your tea gag a lot."
  • The KGB, the GIGN (or in some versions of the joke, the FBI) and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretarial assistant General of the UN decides to ready them a test. He releases a rabbit into a woods, and each of them has to grab it. The CIA people get in. They place brute informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. Subsequently 3 months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist. The GIGN (or FBI) goes in. After 2 weeks with no leads they burn down the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and brand no apologies: the rabbit had it coming. The KGB goes in. They come up out 2 hours afterward with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
  • In a prison, two inmates are comparison notes. "What did they abort y'all for?" asks the first. "Was it a political or common offense?" "Of form it was political. I'm a plumber. They summoned me to the district Political party committee to set the sewage pipes. I looked and said, 'Hey, the entire organization needs to be replaced.' Then they gave me seven years."[xi]
  • A frightened man came to the KGB. "My talking parrot has disappeared." "That'south non the kind of case we handle. Go to the criminal police." 'Excuse me, of class I know that I must go to them. I am hither but to tell y'all officially that I disagree with the parrot."[eleven]
  • The CIA wanted to send a spy to the Soviet Wedlock and the spy that was selected had incredible qualifications. He was fluent in Russian, had perfect Cyrillic handwriting, had a vast knowledge of Soviet civilization and mannerisms, could cook typical Soviet meals, and could keep up his act with a abdomen full of vodka. The mission was long-term infiltration of the Kremlin. The spy was dropped in a remote village where he approached a man and said, in perfect Russian, "Hello comrade, tin can you please tell me which direction is Moscow?" The man looked at him, and walked inside. Inside minutes, the KGB was swarming the village and arresting the spy. While being interrogated, the KGB officials said "Quit the human activity, we know yous are an American spy." The spy was baffled they (peculiarly the man in the village) were able to tell then quickly, but tried to keep up the deed for as long as he could. When he finally cracked, he said "Alright, alright, I'm a spy. I will tell you lot whatever you lot want, merely please but tell me how y'all knew I was a spy because I devoted my whole life to perfecting my Soviet character." The official said "Yous're black."

Quite a few jokes and other sense of humor capitalized on the fact that Soviet citizens were under KGB surveillance fifty-fifty when abroad:

  • A quartet of violinists returns from an international contest. 1 of them was honored with the opportunity to play a Stradivarius violin, and cannot stop bragging about it. The violinist who came in last grunts: "What's so special almost that?" The first one thinks for a minute: "Let me put it to you this style: simply imagine that you were given the run a risk to fire a couple of shots from Dzerzhinsky'south Mauser..."[19] [20]
  • An English athlete, a French athlete and a Russian athlete are all on the medal podium at the 1976 Summer Olympics chatting earlier the medal ceremony. "Don't go me wrong" says the Englishman, "winning a medal is very overnice, but I still feel the greatest pleasure in life is getting home after a long day, putting 1's feet up and having a nice cup of tea." "Yous Englishman," snorts the Frenchman, "you accept no sense of romance. The greatest pleasure in life is going on holiday without your wife, and meeting a beautiful daughter with whom yous have a passionate love affair with before returning home back to work." "You are both wrong," scoffs the Russian. "The greatest pleasure in life is when you lot are sleeping at dwelling and the KGB breaks your door down at iii AM, bursts into your room and says, 'Ivan Ivanovitch, you are under arrest,' and yous can reply 'Pitiful comrade, Ivan Ivanovitch lives adjacent door'."

Daily Soviet life [edit]

  • Soviet police announces that no one is allowed outside his house later on vii:00PM. At half dozen:30PM, a policeman notices someone outside and shoots him. His swain policeman asks "Why did you shoot him? He had 30 more minutes until vii:00!" The policeman replied "I know where he lives, he would have never made it in time."
  • Nearly the American hot dog: "In Russia, we don't eat that function of the canis familiaris." Told by Soviet emigree Yakov Smirnoff.
  • Q: Which is more useful – newspapers or boob tube? A: Newspapers, of course. You tin can't wrap herring in a TV. (Variation: "You can't wipe your ass with a TV" – a reference to the shortage of toilet paper in USSR, which forced people to use newspapers instead.)
  • "We pretend to work, and they pretend to pay." (The joke hints at low productivity and subsistence-level wages within the Soviet economy.)
  • Five precepts of the Soviet intelligentsia (intellectuals):
    • Don't think.
    • If yous think, then don't speak.
    • If you think and speak, then don't write.
    • If you think, speak and write, and then don't sign.
    • If you think, speak, write and sign, and so don't be surprised.
  • A regional Communist Party meeting is held to celebrate the anniversary of the Swell October Socialist Revolution. The Chairman gives a spoken language: "Dear comrades! Allow's look at the astonishing achievements of our Political party later the revolution. For example, Maria here, who was she before the revolution? An illiterate peasant; she had but one dress and no shoes. And now? She is an exemplary milkmaid known throughout the unabridged region. Or expect at Ivan Andreev, he was the poorest homo in this village; he had no horse, no cow, and not even an ax. And now? He is a tractor driver with two pairs of shoes! Or Trofim Semenovich Alekseev--he was a nasty hooligan, a drunk, and a dingy gadabout. Nobody would trust him with as much as a snowdrift in wintertime, as he would steal anything he could get his hands on. And at present he's Secretary of the Regional Party Commission!"[11]

Some jokes ridiculed the level of indoctrination in the Soviet Wedlock's didactics system:

  • "My wife has been going to cooking school for three years." / "She must actually cook well by now!" / "No, so far they've simply got every bit far as the bit most the Twentieth CPSU Congress."

Quite a few jokes poke fun at the permanent shortages in various shops.

  • A man walks into a shop and asks, "You wouldn't happen to have any fish, would yous?" The shop assistant replies, "You've got it wrong – ours is a butcher'southward shop. We don't have any meat. You're looking for the fish shop across the road. In that location they don't have whatsoever fish!"
  • An American man and a Soviet man died on the same day and went to Hell together. The Devil told them: "You may cull to enter two dissimilar types of Hell: the first is the American-style one, where you lot can practice anything you like, but only on status of eating a bucketful of manure every mean solar day; the second is the Soviet-mode hell, where yous tin Likewise exercise anything yous like, simply only on status of eating Two bucketfuls of manure a day." The American chose the American-style Hell, and the Soviet homo chose the Soviet-manner 1. A few months later, they met again. The Soviet man asked the American: "Hi, how are y'all getting on?" The American said: "I'yard fine, just I tin't stand the bucketful of manure every day. How about you?" The Soviet man replied: "Well, I'k fine, too, except that I don't know whether we had a shortage of manure, or if somebody stole all the buckets."
  • "What happens if Soviet socialism comes to Saudi Arabia? First five years, zip; then a shortage of oil." (Variation: "...then a shortage of sand.")

A subgenre of the above-mentioned type of joke targets long sign-up queues for certain commodities, with expect times that could exist counted in years rather than weeks or months.

  • "Dad, tin I take the car keys?" / "OK, merely don't lose them. We will become the auto in only seven years!"
  • "I desire to sign up for the waiting listing for a auto. How long is it?" / "Precisely ten years from today." / "Morning or evening?" / "Why, what deviation does it make?" / "The plumber'southward due in the morning."

The to a higher place joke was famously mentioned by United states of america President Ronald Reagan multiple times.[ commendation needed ]

Modern Russia [edit]

Boris Yeltsin [edit]

Boris Yeltsin presided over the gutting and selling of a lot of Russian regime companies and a substantial increase in corruption, which became target for jokes.

  • A human being drives upwardly to the Kremlin and parks his car outside. As he is getting out a policemen hurriedly flusters over and says "You can't park at that place! That's correct nether Yeltsin's window!" The man looks perplexed for a second merely so smiles and calmly replies: "No need to worry officeholder, I made sure to lock the motorcar."
  • Q: What did capitalism accomplish in 1 twelvemonth that communism could non exercise in 70 years? A: Brand communism look good.[21]

Vladimir Putin [edit]

"Putin is belongings a press conference. The kickoff journalist stands up: – I am from the Washington Mail. What exercise you say about the mass graves and the disrespect of human rights in Chechnya? Putin: – Next question. The second journalist stands upwards: – I am from the Daily Mirror. Is it truthful that there are concentration camps in Chechnya and that every day peaceful citizens are murdered in them? Putin: – Next question, please. The third journalist stands up: – I am from Süddeutsche Zeitung. Please clarify what is currently happening on the Strait of Kerch, if Tuzla is an isthmus or an island, and why Russians are building an embankment at that place. Putin thinks for a moment, then looks at the start journalist: – What did you ask about Chechnya?"[viii]

Many draw parallels between Vladimir Putin and Joseph Stalin: his opponents do it accusingly, while neo-Stalinists proudly. Many jokes about past Soviet leaders are retold about Putin:[22]

  • Stalin appears to Putin in a dream and says: "I have two bits of advice for you: kill off all your opponents and paint the Kremlin bluish." Putin asks, "Why blue?" Stalin: "I knew you would non object to the kickoff one."[8]

From at to the lowest degree 2015, it is common in Rusia to joke about the "battle betwixt the idiot box and the refrigerator (битва холодильника с телевизором)."[23] [24] This refers to the remainder between state media and actual living conditions in Russia: whether state propaganda on TV is able to overcome the presence of empty fridges.[25] [26]

Post-obit the showtime of the 2022 Russian invasion of Ukraine many jokes started to be circulated online about the war and the rather disappointing results of the Russian Regular army compared with the expectations set by state propaganda:

  • "Co-ordinate to Putin the tiny Ukraine is no match for our huge Russia and military machine. What'due south the situation at present?"/ "Russia has lost 15,000 troops, six generals, 500 tanks, 3 ships, 100 planes and 1000 trucks. Victory hasn't arrived withal."
  • Under orders of the State Media Oversight Commission, the adjacent edition of "War and Peace" will be retitled, "Special Operation and Treason."
  • "Nosotros are now entering day 24 of the special military performance to accept Kyiv in two days."

"Beware of dictators with moustaches - correction - Beware of dictators with razors." Anon.

See also [edit]

  • Russian jokes
  • East High german jokes
  • Hammer & Tickle
  • Bald–hairy
  • Lenin was a mushroom
  • And yous are lynching Negroes
  • Radio Yerevan Jokes
  • Refrigerator vs. TV

References [edit]

  1. ^ Davies, Christie (2007). "Humor and Protest: Jokes nether Communism". International Review of Social History. 52: 291–305. doi:10.1017/S0020859007003252. JSTOR 26405495. S2CID 146755591.
  2. ^ ir.spb.ru http://www.ir.spb.ru/naum-218.htm. [ permanent dead link ]
  3. ^ Brodsky Translating Brodsky: Poetry in Self-Translation, p. 120
  4. ^ a b Ben Lewis (2008) "Hammer and Tickle", ISBN 0-297-85354-6 (a review online)
  5. ^ "Hammer & tickle", Prospect Magazine, May 2006, essay by Ben Lewis on jokes in Communist countries,
  6. ^ Миша Мельниченко, "Советский анекдот. Указатель сюжетов", item no. 25.
  7. ^ A review of the Ben Lewis book, economist.com
  8. ^ a b c Gullotta, Andrea (2014). "Gulag Humour: Some Observations on Its History, Evolution, and Contemporary Resonance" (PDF) (Punishment as a Criminal offense? Perspectives on Prison house Experience in Russian Culture): 89–110.
  9. ^ "Становление личности сквозь террор и войну", by Grigory Pomerants, Вестник Европы, 2010, no. 28-29
  10. ^ Alexander Solzhenitsyn, Gulag Archipelago, Ch. 19, "Zeks as a Nation"
  11. ^ a b c d eastward f g https://www.johndclare.net/Russ12_Jokes.htm One Hundred Russian Jokes
  12. ^ "Graham, Seth (2004) A Cultural Assay of the Russo-Soviet Anekdot. Doctoral Dissertation, University of Pittsburgh" (PDF).
  13. ^ Montefiore, Simon Sebag (2003). Stalin: The Court of the Scarlet Tsar. ISBN978-1780228358.
  14. ^ Валерий Смирнов, "Умер-шмумер, лишь бы был здоров!: как говорят в Одессе" , 2008, ISBN 9668788613, p. 147
  15. ^ http://www.peoples.ru/anekdot/4168.shtml
  16. ^ a b Berdy, Michele A. (2016-02-05). "Russia's Long Romance with Patriotism". The Moscow Times . Retrieved 2021-eleven-20 .
  17. ^ a b Figes, Orlando (2002-10-21). Natasha'due south Dance: A Cultural History of Russian federation. Henry Holt and Company. p. 508. ISBN978-0-8050-5783-vi.
  18. ^ a b Brooks, Jeffrey (2021-04-thirteen). Give thanks Y'all, Comrade Stalin!: Soviet Public Culture from Revolution to Cold War. Princeton Academy Printing. pp. 214–215. ISBN978-one-4008-4392-3.
  19. ^ Adams, Bruce (2005). Tiny Revolutions in Russian federation: Twentieth Century Soviet and Russian History in Anecdotes. New York and London: RoutledgeCurzon. p. 69. ISBN0-415-35173-ane.
  20. ^ Pelevin, Victor (1994). "Sleep". A Werewolf Problem in Central Russian federation and Other Stories. Translated past Bromfield, Andrew. New York: New Directions Publishing. p. 61. ISBN978-0-8112-1543-5. And so one day, when he fell asleep at a lecture, Nikita tried telling a joke of his own in reply. He deliberately chose the shortest and well-nigh simple one, virtually an international violinists' competition in Paris. He almost got through it, merely stumbled correct at the very finish and started talking about Dnepropetrovsk geysers instead of Dzerzhinsky'due south mauser.
  21. ^ Parenti, Michael (1997). Blackshirts and Reds: Rational Fascism and the Overthrow of Communism. City Lights Publishers. p. 116.
  22. ^ "Communist jokes - Funny bones", The Economist
  23. ^ Kolesnikov, Andrei (2015-10-25). "Russia's War: Fridge vs. TV". The Moscow Times . Retrieved 2022-05-29 .
  24. ^ Телевизор против холодильника, Ekho Moskvy, Feb 17, 2016 [ expressionless link ]
  25. ^ The TV vs the fridge: A Russian joke shows why Putin'south propaganda isn't working on his ain people, Business Insider
  26. ^ Kramer, Andrew E. (Jan 31, 2021). "Russia'southward Economic Slump Erodes Consensus That Shielded Putin". New York Times. Retrieved 2 July 2021.

Sources [edit]

  • Emil Draitser, Forbidden Laughter (1980) ISBN 0-89626-045-3
  • Christie Davies, Jokes and Their Relation to Society (1998) ISBN three-11-016104-4, Affiliate v: "Stupidity and rationality: Jokes from the iron muzzle" (almost jokes from beyond the Atomic number 26 Curtain)
  • Contemporary Russian Satire: A Genre Written report
  • Laughter through tears: Underground wit, sense of humour, and satire in the Soviet Russian Empire
  • Is That You Laughing Comrade? the Globe'southward All-time Russian (Underground Jokes)
  • Rodger Swearingen, What'due south so funny, comrade? (1961) ASIN B0007DX2Z0
  • Dora Shturman, Sergei Tiktin (1985) "Sovetskii Soiuz 5 zerkale politicheskogo anekdota" ("Soviet Union in the Mirror of the Political Joke"), Overseas Publications Interchange Ltd., ISBN 0-903868-62-8 (in Russian)
  • Jonathan Waterlow, It'due south Only a Joke, Comrade! Humour, Trust and Everyday Life under Stalin (2018) ISBN 978-1985635821
  • Adams, Bruce (10 January 2005). Tiny Revolutions in Russia: Twentieth Century Soviet and Russian History in Anecdotes and Jokes. Routledge. ISBN978-1-134-26484-one.

External links [edit]

  • 1001 Soviet political anecdotes in Wikisource (in Russian) 1001 избранный советский политический анекдот
  • A collection of Russian jokes (in Russian)
  • Political jokes most Tzars (in Russian)
  • Soviet Jokes for the DDCI
  • William Henry Chamberlin, "The "Anecdote": Unrationed Soviet Humor", The Russian Review, Vol. 16, No. 3 (Jul., 1957), pp. 27-34

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Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Russian_political_jokes

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